Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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