he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
