Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
