I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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