I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize