You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
