whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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