I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
