I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
