sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
