You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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