After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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