you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
