she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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