wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
