Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
