I think my fart just growled at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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