he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
