Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
