I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
