Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
