If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize