I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
