At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
