Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
