at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
