I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
