nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
