Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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