Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Green mimosas i think yes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
