my mouth tastes like poor choices
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
