Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
