If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
