i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
