This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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