For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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