you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
