he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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