I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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