saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
