I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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