So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize