"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize