Someone shit on the floor
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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