dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
