Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
