I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I look better un-naked...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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