i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
