Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
