He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
