i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
