During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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