This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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