I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
