haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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