ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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