butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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