Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
