I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
