Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
