DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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