you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize