Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
