pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
