Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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