You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
