Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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